Redeem Myself?

When I reflect on my past, I am so ashamed of some of the unkind words I have spoken and some of the offensive behavior I acted out. Especially in relation to those whom I love and those who love me.
Indeed, there are so many words I wish I could unsay, and so many actions I would like to undo. Looking back, I so often ask myself’ “How could I have been so impetuously vocal and impulsively ill-behaved?” I wish there was some way to return to those historical moments and replay the scene with the wisdom I have learned since then. I guess I would like a chance to redeem myself; a way to redress any type of damage I may have caused to others.
In the middle of this self-rumination, I come to the stark realization that it is impossible to physically revisit the past. This awareness, if I obsess about it too much, can be discouraging and gives rise to feelings of despair and defeat. “Do I have to live like this? Is there no way to atone for my past mistakes?”
Praise God, there is a means whereby I can compensate for unkind words and bad actions of previous days! It begins by accepting divine forgiveness through Christ’s redemptive work; this is what frees me to forgive myself. The next step is to ask the forgiveness of the offended parties. All this truly liberates me from the emotional, psychological, and spiritual stranglehold of hopelessness due to past mistakes. (This liberty of spirit is not contingent upon the response, either positive or negative, of the offended individuals).
This, in turn, leads me to the next stage of the redemptive process, the practicality of reconciliation. The manner in which I can, to a certain extent, undo my past bad behavior is by working right now on becoming the best behaved: son, sibling, spouse, parent, church member, employer/employee, and civic citizen I wish I had been. The alternative is to waste precious time bemoaning my past failures and living with a helplessly defeated attitude. This is not the way I want to live! Therefore, I must take specific and purposeful measures to get out of a fatalistically defeated mentality.
Essentially, I see this as the primary purpose of my redemption in Christ; to live out reconciliation through repentance, forgiveness, and good behavior in human relationships. God never asks me to undo my past failures before he decides to forgive me for them, he simply offers it when I surrender to his terms; “From now on you are to adjust your behavior toward me and your fellow humans to manifest my redemption.” To put it another way, any profession of being redeemed that does not commence to work out a flesh and blood shoe-leather redressing of past wrongs toward our fellow humans is not a Christly redemption. I am sorry, but there is nothing like a static position of redemption; if we are not using it, we are losing it.
In closing, I will intentionally do whatever is within my power to live out my in-Christ redemption; I do so not to arouse God’s sense of indebtedness for my redemptive actions, but rather, to freely proffer to others, by word and deed, the redemption he has already offered me. Yes, I act redeemed today to undo my regrettable past and to hopefully avoid a regrettable future!
-Alfredo Mullet-